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THANK YOU FOR CALLING THE MENTAL HEALTH HOT LINE...

If you're obsessive/compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. 

If you're co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you. 

If you're a multiple personality, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you're paranoid and delusional, we already know what you want and who you are. Just stay on the line while we trace your call. 

If you're schizophrenic, please hold, and a little voice will tell you what to press. 

If you're depressed, it probably doesn't matter what you press, it won't do you any good anyway.